Come Clean
by ThatCoolKidSpardel
Summary: After Fitz comes clean and truly apologizes to Eli, will Eli be able to forgive him? And will they turn into something neither of them ever dared to imagine? R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys…guess who's now a hardcore ELITZ shipper? I've always been passionately in love with both Munro Chambers and James Edward Campbell…so I figure why not right some fluffy/smutty Elitz? I'm not gonna continue I'm Many Things and HEAR ME OUT: I don't want Fitz and Eli to have a violent relationship cause if Fitz really has changed it won't be like that. So I'm hoping this story will suffice instead!**

**-x-x-x-**

Fitz's POV:

I honestly don't know what I can say. "I'm sorry" obviously isn't going to cut it.

How can I convince Eli that I was never going to _actually _hurt him? Still, I pulled a knife on him…and that was so, SO wrong. I regret it, I really do, and I wish there was some way Eli could know that and forgive me.

I need this to feel right, to feel truly forgiven. I know that only God has the power to actually cleanse us of our sins, but Father Greg told me that it's still important to make sure the people I have wronged forgive me too, if I'm truly remorseful that is, which I am.

But no amount of remorse will make Eli forgive me, and I don't even know if I deserve his forgiveness.

All those terrible things I did…what was I _THINKING_?

I wasn't. I was lost, messed up. I hadn't accepted Jesus into my heart yet, I didn't have the guidance that I do now. But that doesn't excuse anything.

I'm lucky enough to have Clare's forgiveness. But then again, she knows what it's like to find salvation in the Lord. She knows all about sin and forgiveness and how the will and spirit of God can truly change people.

So _she _can see that I mean what I say, that I'm truly sorry, because she had accepted the Lord long before I did.

But Eli can't; he's an atheist.

It makes me sad, I feel like he'd be so much happier if he knew Jesus. Even if he still didn't forgive me, at least he'd finally have God in his life.

I can't imagine what it must be like…which is ridiculously ironic because _I _was an atheist too up until Father Greg talked to me in Juvie. But I try not to think about those bad times…which is maybe why I can't even imagine my old mindset. But then again that's probably a good thing; I don't want to go down that road again, EVER.

I sighed and buried my face in my hands. _How can I get Eli to forgive me if he won't even listen to me?_

Then it dawned on me. He won't listen to me, but he WILL listen to his girlfriend. Maybe I can convince Clare to help me out with this…

I jumped up from the couch and went to grab the student directory from the drawer in the kitchen. I went down the "E" page and found Clare's address near the top. I scribbled it down on my hand and was about to leave when I heard a crash of thunder outside.

_Crap. _

I opened up my living room curtains to see big, black clouds looming up in the sky. It's not raining yet, but it looks like it's definitely gonna start soon…maybe if I run I can make it to Clare's house before the heavy rain kicks in.

-x-x-x-

I was wrong, I couldn't beat the rain. But luckily Clare's street was only a couple blocks away from mine so I was able to get there in about 5 minutes. Cold rain drops beat down on my back and I could feel my teeth chattering.

I looked at the number on my hand and tried to match it with a number on one of the houses. I finally found hers and sprinted across the street to get to it, thankfully stepping under her porch roof.

I rang the doorbell and prayed with all my heart that she'd be home; it's REALLY cold out here.

"One second!" I heard her voice call.

A moment later she opened the door.

"Fitz?"

She dropped the phone in her hand and I could hear a muffled voice screaming on the other end; most likely Eli.

"Hey Clare…I don't mean to bother you but can I come in?"

"Uh…" She hesitated and bit her lip, obviously perplexed.

"Please Clare, its cold out here." I pleaded, and she moved aside to let me in.

She shut the door quickly behind me to keep out the cold air and the leaned up against it.

"Uh…what are you doing here Fitz?" She asked, crossing her arms on her chest.

I sighed. "I really need Eli to forgive me Clare."

She put her hands on her head and sighed. "I know Fitz, but I'm sorry, I just don't think that's gonna work out. Eli's really upset with you."

"I know; which is why I need to fix this. I don't want to hurt him Clare, you believe me, right?"

It took her a second but she finally met my eyes. She held my gaze for a moment and then nodded slowly. "Yeah, I do. But he doesn't Fitz; he's convinced that all of this is an act; he thinks you're pretending to be a Christian just to get to me."

My face fell a little when I heard that. I would never do something like that now, but I suppose the old Fitz wouldn't have been above it…the old, terrible me that Eli knew.

"…do you think that Clare?" I asked quietly.

"No Fitz. I can see it in your eyes, you…you really have changed."

I looked up at her gratefully and smiled. "You have no idea how happy that makes me Clare. That's why I want you to help me. Will you please talk to Eli and ask him to forgive me?"

She sighed. "I don't know Fitz."

"At least get him to sit down and talk with me." I pleaded.

"Fitz…I don't wanna get in the middle of things-…"

"And normally I wouldn't ask you to. But I need this Clare, and I think you're the only that can help me. You and I…we have a spiritual connection. If you can make Eli see that then maybe we can all be friends, maybe we'll even be able to convert him!"

Clare snorted. "Good luck with that."

I reached for her hand and she gasped a little at the contact and pulled away.

"I'm sorry." I apologized quickly. "I just…_please_. I need Eli's forgiveness to put this all behind me." My voice was crackly from both the cold weather and emotion.

"Clare, I don't wanna think about the bad times anymore. I want to cleanse myself from them and never go back. I'm done with my old ways Clare, really!"

"I believe you Fitz," She said calmly, "But where did these scars come from then?"

I felt my face and realized that I'd forgotten to put cover up this morning. The scars reminded me of the bad times, I didn't like to look at them and I didn't want anyone else to either.

"They're from a few bad fights I got into at Juvie…before I talked to Father Greg."

"Oh."

"But that's behind me now Clare; I told you I've found the way, I-…"

I stopped talking and threw my hands up in the air, looking at her sadly. _Isn't there any way I can convince her to help me?_

"Oh Fitz…" Clare murmured. And before I could stop myself I reached out to hug her. She hugged me back, wrapping her arms around me tightly. It was a nice, friendly hug, something I haven't been given in a while and it made me feel warm.

"Clare!"

Clare immediately let go of me as her front door was thrown open and in stormed Eli, looking absolutely furious.

"What the hell is this?" He asked, and I noticed that his fists were shaking. He looked from me to Clare and that back at me.

"What are you doing here?" He asked me.

"I just wanted to talk to Clare-…"

"Oh really? You put one hand on my girlfriend I'll-…"

"Eli, relax, everything's okay."

"Not with this bastard here." He snarled.

"Please Eli, I was just asking Clare for help," I tried to explain, but I made the mistake of putting my arm on Clare's shoulder when I referred to her, and that was the last straw for Eli.

"Get your hands off you son of a bitch!" His fist came hurtling towards my face before I could process what was happening and I fell to the ground hard as blood flowed freely from my nose.

"Eli! What's wrong with you?" Clare shouted.

"He touched you."

"He patted my arm Eli, and you PUNCHED him!" She knelt down on the ground and looked at me.

"Fitz, are you okay?" She asked gently.

I nodded, clutching my nose with my hand, and I winced a little at the pain.

"I'll get you some paper towels." She said, and stood up to go to the kitchen.

"Clare, how can you help him after what he did to me?" Eli asked, enraged as he stepped in her way.

"Eli, look what you did to _him_!" She gestured to me bloody nose and then put her hands on her hips.

"I think you should leave." She said pointedly.

"But Clare-…"

"Leave!" She said louder and more agitated.

She left for the kitchen then and Eli turned to walk out the door.

Before he left he looked at me.

"I hate you." He growled, and then disappeared, slamming the door behind him.

The words hurt more than his punch, considering the whole reason I came over here was to try and get his forgiveness.

But it looks like that's never going to happen.


	2. Chapter 2

Clare handed me the paper towels and I held them to my nose to stop the bleeding.

"I'm really sorry about that Fitz…" She said sincerely, patting my shoulder.

I looked at her saddened, tired face and immediately felt bad.

"It wasn't your fault Clare."

She shrugged and looked down at the ground. "I'd offer to help you talk to Eli but…I think we both know that's a lost cause now." She said, frowning.

I nodded. "It's fine. I appreciate that you were even willing."

She smiled slightly and I returned the gesture. A few moments later I slowly made my way into a standing position, sticking my arms out to balance myself since I was still a little lightheaded from the punch.

"Well, I think I should probably go now."

"You sure?" Clare asked while getting up to unlock the door for me.

I nodded. "Thanks for letting me in Clare."

She smiled. "Anytime Fitz…really."

She opened the door and sighed when she saw that Eli's hearse was still parked in the driveway.

"I told him to _leave_." She gritted through her teeth, an agitated tone in her voice.

"Try talking to him, he probably just misunderstood why I was here and that's why he did what he did." I reasoned.

Clare gave me an incredulous stare and raised her eyebrows. "You really have changed, haven't you, if you're defending Eli after he punched you?"

"Turn the other cheek, right?"

She nodded. "Right."

"Bye Clare." I said, grinning a little as I walked down her porch steps. I didn't dare look at Eli, I was afraid of what kind of look I saw on his face. The rain had let up a little and I was starting to get kinda hungry. I figure I'll walk to The Dot and get something to eat, might as well take advantage of that employee discount, right?

-x-x-x-

I tossed my empty coffee cup in the trash bin outside The Dot and shoved my hands into my pockets, walking idly down the road. The rain is totally clear now and I'm liking the fresh air. It's nice to be outside, after being cramped up in Juvie for so long.

I was walking past an alleyway when I heard a girl yell.

I whipped my head around and saw Ron-Ron (A guy I used to get high with back in during the dark days) harassing some girl.

He wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her to him; she struggled to break away but couldn't, she was a lot smaller than him.

"Let GO of me!" She screamed. Ron-Ron just laughed.

"Hey, get off her!" I said, running into the alley and over to them.

"Hey Fitzy Boy, long time no see, wanna join in the fun? Just trying to convince this bitch to come to the ravine with me." He gestured to the frightened looking girl that he was harassing.

"Let go of her Ron-Ron, she obviously doesn't want anything to do with you."

"Man, what's your problem?"

"My problem is that you're sexually harassing someone and that's not right."

I tried to remain calm but forceful, like how Father Greg told me to do if I was ever in an intense situation. He told me that I shouldn't fight, but that I should take charge and do the right thing if something bad is happening around me.

I turned to the girl who had now managed to break free due to Ron-Ron's shocked state.

He reached to grab her again but I stuck my arm in between them and angled my body so he couldn't reach her.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly.

She nodded a little but still seemed pretty shaken up. She muttered "thanks" and then ran out of the alley.

"Dude what the hell?" Ron-Ron cursed, smacking me on the back of the head.

"You can't just force yourself on people like that!" I said firmly, pointing in the direction that the girl had disappeared in.

"Are you serious bro? You've groped and grabbed at tons of bitches before!"

"They weren't bitches, and I feel terrible about that. I've repented and apologized to them."

"Repented? What are you now, some Jesus freak or some shit?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "If that's what you wanna call someone who follows the Lord, then why not?"

He laughed then and rolled his eyes. "Okay Fitz, give it up. It's not funny anymore, really."

"I'm not joking." I stated seriously.

"You're for real about this shit?"

"It's not shit Ron-Ron, it's the way we should all live. You can come to church with me this Sunday; I can help you, I-…"

"The only thing I want from you right now is a chick. Go get that slut to come back here or I'll beat you up."

He stared at me coldly and I realized he was serious. I looked into his eyes and noticed how glazed they were. I'd smelled the alcohol on his breath when I first came up to him but now I'm thinking he may be drunker than I thought…

"Ron-Ron you're not thinking straight."

_SLAM!_

He punched me and blood burst from my nose for the second time today as my head slammed back against the brick wall from the impact. The back of my head was tingling and it might be bleeding too.

"Ron-Ron, stop it."

He punched me in the stomach and I keeled over.

"Grow a pair and fight like a man Fitzy, what the hell kinda girl have you turned into?"

I balled my fists out of instinct and habit but then remembered my faith…it's not right to hit people. I can't do this.

_Please help me to control myself Lord. _I prayed silently, and then staggered to my feet.

I was beginning to feel weak again since I'd already bled a lot today, and I'm almost positive that my nose is broken.

He swung his fist at me again and I narrowly dodged it, but then tripped on his foot and smashed my chin on the ground.

"Fight me you cunt!"

_Turn the other cheek…_

I took a deep breath and stood up, preparing myself to run. I didn't know if I'd be able to make it very far but then I heard the car horn beep and looked up, realizing I wouldn't have to.

"Fitz, get in!" Eli yelled, throwing open the passenger side door of his hearse for me.

I smiled. "God bless you man."

I ran to his car and buckled up as he was already speeding away.

"I'm doing this because Clare told me to, that's the only reason." He muttered. "So don't make me regret it."

"I won't Eli, I promise." I said sincerely. Maybe now's my chance to show him the new me.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N****: Tis the last chapterD: fluff alert! And I don't own Degrassi or "The Reason" by Hootsbank. **

"Where do you live?" Eli asked, keeping his eyes on the road and not daring to look at me even when we came to a red light.

"Um…I'd rather not go home."

"Then where am I supposed to take you?" He muttered angrily. "I'm not taking you back to Clare's. I came after you for her to make her not hate me, but that's all you're getting from me."

"I'm sorry Eli, and I doubt Clare hates you. The only reason I went there was because I wanted her to help you forgive me….you can drop me off at the church if you want."

"Oh would you cut this _bullshit_?" Eli spat, finally looking at me, though I'd almost prefer the silent treatment over his menacing glare.

My eyebrows furrowed. "Huh?"

"You don't have to pretend around me Fitzy. I know you're just doing this whole good-boy Christian act to get to Clare." His glare kept getting meaner and meaner and I realized that I really needed to explain.

"No Eli, it's not fake; not at all!" I exclaimed, feeling almost offended that he would right my faith off like that. But I reminded myself that I'm the one at fault in this situation and I shouldn't be getting upset.

The car came to an abrupt halt on the curb and Eli turned in his seat to give me his full attention.

"Oh really? So I guess you expect me to believe you went from being a psychotic asshole that carries a knife to a love-and-hugs Jesus freak that hugs a Bible? Yeah, that's gonna happen!" He snarled.

"I'M SORRY!" I yelled, too overcome with emotion to control the volume of my voice.

"How many times can I say it Eli? What can I do to make you forgive me?"

"Nothing Fitz. I will _never _forgive you for pulling a knife on me and scaring me AND Clare shitless."

I opened my mouth to retort, to defend myself, to say _something_, but no words came out. Because in that moment I realized just how badly I'd affected Eli. I'd really scared him, he actually thought I was gonna kill him…_he thinks I'm a murderer. _

This is probably the lowest I've ever felt.

I took a deep breath to get in control of my emotions and then turned to open the door.

"Thanks for taking me this far." I whispered, then stepped out of the car.

I was about to take off running when I heard Eli's open and then slam shut.

"Fitz, hold on…I can't just leave you here, Clare would kill me!"

I whipped around and he gasped when he saw the wetness in my eyes.

"If Clare asks me I'll tell her you took me home and bought me a happy meal on the way and everything."

Eli raised an eyebrow. "I thought it was wrong to lie."

"I would rather lie than sit here while you trash my beliefs. Even though I deserve it, I can't take it." My voice cracked and a tear fell down my cheek.

Eli's expression changed from one of frustration to confusion, his features softening ever so slightly.

"I'm so, SO sorry for what I did Eli. I didn't realize it affected you so much. But…I have changed, and…if you don't believe that, I guess there's nothing I can do. But I can't stand being around you while you hate me." I gulped and wrung my shaking hands, then turned to walk away again.

This time when Eli stopped me, he put a hand on my shoulder.

"Fitz?"

I turned around to face Eli, unable to read his expression.

He took one look at my forlorn face and sighed, closing his eyes.

"If you're messing with me, I swear to God I'll fucking kill you." He said through gritted teeth.

"What does that mean?" I asked quietly.

He opened his eyes and hesitated before he spoke. "It means I believe you and…I guess I um…forgive you."

A huge smile broke out on my face and I threw my arms around Eli before I could stop myself. _Yes!_

His body stiffened and I let go. "Uh…sorry." I mumbled, blushing a little.

"It's…um…fine."

To alleviate the awkward tension I decided to make a joke. "So, Clare will be super happy you forgave me."

He grinned at first but then his expression became serious. "Actually I didn't forgive you because of Clare…I forgave you because…well, I'm no better than you are, and I figured if you were really sorry it was just wrong of me to let you keep pretending like you're the only bad guy in this situation." He looked really sad by the end of his little speech and he wouldn't meet my eyes. I patted his arm a little and spoke "Don't worry Eli, what I did was way worse than anything you did. I mean, I pulled a knife-…"

"Yeah, but you didn't KILL me."

"Well no I didn't, but it's not like you've killed anyone either."

"And why do you assume that?"

I looked up at him in disbelief and found his expression a mixture of agony and darkness.

"Eli…what are you saying?"

He took a deep breath and turned so his back was to me before he finally spoke. "You're not the first bully I've had to face Fitz. There was this guy Mike who tormented me from when I was nine until I was fifteen. He made my life a living hell, and when I got a girlfriend, he made her life a living hell too. He sexually harassed a lot and it bothered her, obviously. One day he was grabbing at her tits and I just snapped. I punched him the face, and tried to beat him up. But I lost, badly. And I couldn't do anything but lie on the ground bleeding and watch him kiss and touch my girlfriend against her will."

I gasped and reached a hand out to Eli, then dropped it because his body was shaking so much. "Eli, that's-…"

But he cut me off and kept going with his awful story.

"I felt horrified that I couldn't protect her, so I take more risks, fought a lot more, with random people I barely knew. I would threaten and sometimes punch any guy that came near her. I was scared, I was only trying to protect her but…she didn't like it. She said I was being too controlling and that I was just acting like a douche bag all the time. We got into this huge fight one night and she took off on her bike and then…then…"

"What happened Eli?" I asked, not even sure I wanted to hear the answer though.

He took a deep shaky breath.

"She got hit by a car. She died Fitz. She died because of what I did to her, because of what the bullies did to me. And that's why I hate bullies Fitz. And with you and Clare, I could feel that history was repeating itself but I couldn't just stop trying to look out for her! And now that I know you're not really going to hurt her..."

"You don't have to worry about anything Eli. I'll never hurt Clare, and I'll never hurt you, and I'm so, so sorry for your loss."

He turned around and I saw the tears rolling down his cheeks. He bit his lip to keep himself from sobbing and all I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms and comfort him.

"Eli look…I know you may not consider me a friend but…you look like you need a hug."

With that, he lost it.

He burst into a fit of sobs and nodded, walking straight into my open arms. I hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go for anything.

I don't know how long I stood there holding Eli, just thinking about how lucky I was to have in my arms.

I…really like Eli.

Part of the reason why I used to mess with him so much back in the bad times was because I had this…attraction to him. I was sure I was straight, and I was homophobe then too, so I took out my confusing feelings on Eli himself. But now that I'm accepting of all people, including myself, and now that Eli's in my arms…

_Oh Lord. I just want him._

But the sad thing is, he's 100% straight. Not even a teeny bit bi like me. And he's madly in love with Clare, so that rules out any possibilities I could've ever had with him.

But now that he's forgiven me and he's maybe willing to by my friend…I couldn't help but think that maybe this will be even more painful for me then when he hated me. Because now I can have him in my life, but…not in the way I want.

I sighed and Eli did the same, finally pulling away from my chest to look up at me.

"So Fitz…you wanted to go to the church?"

I nodded, and we got back into Eli's hearse.

He turned on the radio, and I started singing softly as one of my favorite songs came on.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you…it's something I must live with everyday."

Eli turned to look at me as I sang.

"And all the pain I put you through…" I could feel Eli's intense gaze on me and I turned to face him too.

"I wish that I could take it all away. And be the one who catches all your tears…"

I reached up and wiped a wet spot on his face.

He let me caress his cheek for a moment but then shied away and I dropped my hand, totally embarrassed.

Eli's cheeks reddened and I turned to face the road, putting the car in drive.

"Um…I think I'd be able to better focus on the road without music." He said quietly, and I turned the radio off.

The drive to the church was awkward. I feel like Eli knows now, he knows how I truly feel about him. But I hope I'm wrong, since I know he doesn't reciprocate.

When he pulled up in front of the chapel I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, realizing that this was probably one of the last times I was gonna be around Eli for a while.

"Thanks for the ride Eli."

"No problem…thanks for the apology, and for listening and for comforting me."

He said sincerely, offering me a shy smile as he placed his hand on mine for just a second. As he went to take it off I put my other hand on top of his told it in place, and scooted toward him on the seat.

"Thank you for forgiving me Eli."

"Thanks for showing me people can change Fitz."

Our faces are only an inch apart at this point.

"You're welcome", I murmured, our noses touching…

Eli pressed his lips to mine in the shortest, most chaste kiss I've ever shared with anyone. And yet…it was the most magical kiss I've ever received.

He pulled back quickly.

"I'm so sorry…" He mumbled, but I shook my head.

"Don't be." I whispered, crushing my lips back to his and running my tongue over his soft lip. He kissed me back with fervor for a moment, a fervor I hadn't found with any girl, but then he pulled away.

"Fitz…I can't…Clare…" He drabbled on awkwardly, trying to explain.

But he doesn't have to, I already knew there's no way for us to be together.

I nodded. "It's okay. I'm sorry for encouraging you, I just…the way I feel for you has always been different and I was…"

"Curious." Eli finished for me, nodding as well. "I was too. But like I said, I'm with Clare…"

"I know Eli and…" I sighed and closed my eyes. "I wouldn't ask you to leave her for me. I know you love _her_, I was just a one time experiment thing."

"No you weren't Fitz, you…" He trailed off, as if he was unsure what he was going to say.

"Let's just say I'm glad you turned your life around Fitz. Because although I love Clare more than words can express…I've always been interested in you too."

I grinned from ear to ear at Eli's confession.

"So does this mean that if, God forbid, things don't work out between you and Clare, you'll give me a call?"

He hesitated for a moment but then leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek.

"Goodbye Fitz."

I got out of the car and walked toward the church as Eli drove away.

I don't know what will become of us, but I know haven't been this happy in a long, long time.


End file.
